Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Holy Ninja Hunting Osama Bin Laden

Gary Brooks Faulkner, a 52 years old Californian construction worker, was arrested yesterday in the Chitral region of Pakistan wearing night-vision goggles and armed with a knife, a pistol, a 40 inch sword and a collection of Christian booklets. His mission? To hunt down and kill Osama Bin Laden...

I mean, seriously - you couldn't make this up could you?

Apparently, Gary - who is trending massively right now - decided that he would personally atone for the US's failure to capture or kill Mr Bin Laden by heading out into the wilds of Pakistan and hunting down Osama all by himself. So, slipping away from his security detail on Sunday night, Gary Brooks Faulkner headed off into the wilderness on his assassination mission.

Quite why he chose this particular part of Pakistan only Gary knows but he seems to have given only minimal thought to just how he would go about accomplishing his task since:

a) The Chitrel region is about 5,800 square miles. To put that in perspective, it's bigger than the US state of Connecticut or, to put it another way, about half the size of Belgium.

b) Gary Brooks Faulkner, as a late-middle aged American, would blend in with the natives about as well as an elephant in a bowl of oranges.

c) Osama Bin Laden (if he is still alive) has - I'm guessing - one or two people around him to keep him safe - even from Holy Ninja Warriors.

They say there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity but, however fine it is, Gary Brooks Faulkner has dashed past it without even a backward glance. But for his arrest, I think we could have had ourselves a contender for this year's Darwin Awards...

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